There is no HR for HR

Of late I have grown very dispassionate about the profession I was so passionate about, so fond of..reasons keep varying but the essence remain the same...I feel working in HR department is like being an easy prey for anyone..every problem in the world is blamed on us...u shout on your subordinates and say attrition management is HR’s job..u make policies at board room and say HR dint increase the compensation..u set expectations on the candidates deserving to be your boss and then say HR is bad at recruitment!!! It’s a thankless job ultimately....whatever best / out of the way you do is either rewarded as “She is in HR, it’s her duty to do this” or “Being in HR she could not do it..i don’t know what kind of HR/HR Practices we have...”and to the top of it, you cannot crib about it..you can’t say anything to anyone..bcoz v r hr..we don’t have right to be sad, disappointed, demotivated...we have to smile, be happy..listen to all the shoutings, cribs of all the “employees” and provide solutions to them...and keep it “confidential” too...

We are not even treated as human beings...even after the office hours..we are HRs...the biggest shock of my life came to me when i read one of my very close friend's so called friend advising her to be aware of me, as all my friendliness, care can be farce coz i'm in HR and they are CLEVER people...u never know what strategy these HR people make". Another was the time when one of the colleagues honestly confessed that she did not interact with me for a long time bcoz she dint want to unnecessarily get friendly with HR people...

In my present organization, i realised most of the people who tried to be friendly with me were that because i was in hr...after some initial discussions..the conversation will always get diverted to..how much will be the salary hike this year..who is getting promoted, who is joining at what hike..and if i deny to divulge any information..it was considered to be “my not being friendly”..as if my being loyal to my profession was a crime committed...and when did the definition of friendship got limited to divulging information.

Poof.........i took HR as a profession because i was passionate about it...like many others are about design, quality..machines, automobiles..softwares... do they get treated as step ones or this special treatment to HR only...

This continuous has been enough for me...and is quite visible in my day to day life...work..interactions...dont know how to cope or get the passion back....

Wish I could...

here i'm back again to the blog..not because i was lazy for past few months...but just that i did not want to write when i was not upto it...as usual I do things when I REALLLLLLY want to do it...

solitude teaches u a lot..it comforts, introspects u a lot..filters through the innermost desires, dreams..and gives u the gist..which is still holding you through the ups and downs of the life...and suddenly on the journey to the "filtered self"...you realize those many things which u dreamt of, thought of...when u were young(i guess i'm young still)...hmm..i'm taking abt when we were young enough to dream anything and everything without even thinking of the how, why, when, where of it...(i guess that was really lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng back)

i'm talking of those many things we really longed for, we really really wanted to do...or we really really wanted to be...such as I wanted to be an artist...alwayes cuddled in paints...brushes,...sketches...or sometimes had storng desire to sit near a sea shore or on high mountain and breathe in fresh air...

this reminds me of how many times we put off our passions,our tiny desires to slog through the daily routine and keep on meeting the dead deadlines of the mechanical world...these desires can be as small as going for a art class..or guitar lessons or..simply visiting a garden to get fresh air...
and the excuses for all the same are.."i cant follow that coz i need money"..."no time for this bcoz i'm working hard for elevation..higher responsibilites"..."how can i even think about it when all i'm responsible for it abc number targets".....and in all the statistics of life we miss...and realize when its too late....

most of my friends are well settled in life and are successful in meeting most of the criterias set out for being successful..some of them are haapliy married, even some are proud parents too..most of them own luxurious cars...and big big houses/flats...but still when we get to interact we feel a vaccum in our lives..vaccum which is undefinable...and surprisingly the most common things amongst all of us are now that we are tired of the routine life...we miss the "life" in this life...

we miss running after the kites, when we can afford to fly higher in aircrafts with fancy stewards/ess.....we miss playing cricket in sunshine, when we can get into a stadium to watch India- Australia play..we miss sitting in a shady restaurant and ordering the least priced item from the menue...when we spend most of our weekends in the best hotels/pubs/discs in the town...we miss, we miss and we miss but hardly ever we decide to do what we miss...i bet most of you will agree about those "Missing old days" mails taking infinite rounds with different words/activites but the same gist and we all nostalagically agreeing to the contents of them...and sighly saying..."kya din the vo"....

what is missing in our lives grossly is "life" itself..we all are running in the rat race and no surprise we all are rats whatever ahead or behind we are...

I remember a TV commercial of Amul Dairy Milk, which said "kuch khaas hai hum sabhi me...kuch baat hai jindagi me"...and the visual which comes in my mind is a crazy girl encroaching in a cricket stadium dancing...or a girl with mehndi clad hands trying to eat chocolate...how many of us can shed the designation/responsiblities/seriousness of our jobs and do the same...most of us cant...we will be fearing..what if somebody sees...what they will think...we are from XYZ org..etc etc etc...

But little do we realise, we may soon enough land in a state where we are incapable of doing such things or fulfilling those dreams....we sure cant get back to past but we can make a better today by doing what makes us happy...fulfilled...satisfied.... life can be quite unpredictable , and you never know what happens tomorrow.So I have decided, the next time my dreams heave a long sigh inside my heart or i really want to do something...i'm not going to put it off and say i cant bcoz...x.y..z.., I'm sure going to listen to it.

tell me...what's that one dream you've been putting off, and what's the excuse you are giving yourself today?

The Last Ride Together.........

Going by the title....post is not going to be about an incident but a short poem by "Robert Browning" which has been my favorite....and carries such a deep meaning that every time i read it..i start liking it even more...

just to give u a brief about it...the poem is about a rejected lover who as a last wish asked his beloved to have a last ride with him so that he can cherish the ride together.. the poem is a monologue and is narrated by the lover...some of the heart touching lines of the poem, i cant resist pasting here( i dont know if i'm violating any copyright/patent act etc...but i really wanted to share this)

"Since now at length my fate I know,
Since nothing all my love avails,
Since all, my life seemed meant for, fails,
Since this was written and needs must be--
My whole heart rises up to bless
Your name in pride and thankfulness!
Take back the hope you gave--I claim
Only a memory of the same,
--And this beside, if you will not blame,
Your leave for one more last ride with me.

Look, how beautifully he spiritualises his love and the generosity with which he accepts the situation....

"Had I said that, had I done this,
So might I gain, so might I miss. . . . . . .
Might she have loved me? just as well
She might have hated, who can tell!
Where had I been now if the worst befell?
And here we are riding, she and I."

Spiritualism at its best, when the lover says most of the times in our live we keep saying "had i done this, i would have...." "had i done that, it would have...." but we never think these IFs and HADs are going to be there forever...instead of dwelling in these thoughts, we should embrace the present as it comes and be thankful that it happened...

"Fail I alone, in words and deeds?
Why, all men strive and who succeeds?"

"Who knows what's fit for us? Had fate . . . . . .
Proposed bliss here should sublimate
My being--had I signed the bond--
Still one must lead some life beyond,
Have a bliss to die with, dim-descried.
This foot once planted on the goal,
This glory-garland round my soul,
Could I descry such? Try and test!
I sink back shuddering from the quest.
Earth being so good, would heaven seem best?
Now, heaven and she are beyond this ride."


"What if we still ride on, we two
With life for ever old yet new,
Changed not in kind but in degree,
The instant made eternity--
And heaven just prove that I and she
Ride, ride together, forever ride?"

in the last ride with his beloved he finds every thing, all the pleasures that had been long expected. And he finds these through the channel of spirit, based on deep philosophy. The narrator rather a great philosopher, eternises his platonic kind of love and makes the riding a lifetime experience.

Spiritual love to eternise time comes foremost in this literary art. The lover eternises the moment of riding which is very short in duration. Here he loves the moment , the partial time and finds heaven in it; the thing is to note here, that the small time has taken the place of a time of very big duration, meaning his life time. Thus the narrator measures time not in quantity but in importance,pleasure of that moment and proves 'Time is the chrysalis of eternity' (Richter)

"Look at the end of work, contrast
The petty done, the undone vast,"

Life defined in above two lines...at the end of life, when you look back...you will find that even after best of your efforts put in...the things you could do/make impact on are very less and the undone stands tall......

When i start concluding this post..i find i have done almost an analysis of the poem...but believe me this is one of the simplest and most thoughtful piece of English Literature..Browning is a favorite for this...................

You!!! My Diary!!!

Deep within my heart
desires take birth
opinions get formed
anger gets generated
frustrations need to be shared
or, sometimes I just want to be myself
but, like many other things
they remain unexpressed
and I can never find any better avenue
to express but "YOU"
"You" have known my trueself
yet have been there with me ever
"YOU" have known the 'Surya'
which world has never known.....

Boulevards of broken dreams...i walk alone

1st july, 2007.....marks the completion of one year in this city called indore..a year has passed...and if i look back this was probably the most happening year of my personal life not really on a happy note....

it was 03:30 am on 1st july, 2006...when i stepped down from my lovely...cherished flat at 7th floor in mumbai to fly high in the sky with jet airways to land in this city...the heart was much much heavier than all the luggage put together...and the sentence " why are u leaving mumbai...when u love it so much...stay back" kept on haunting me all through and even till date....i was carrying with me meories of my lifetime and experience to become the foundation brick of successes ahead....

i was certainly moving ahead but what i was leaving behind was much more worth to stay back for...i still feel i traded for something which was ultimately of no imporatnce...and in turn i lost my real self...

8:20 i landed in this city which appeared as a stranger on that day as it does today....just in a matter of couple of hours life had changed...the city...the organization...the designation...colleagues..house....roommate.....and lots of unmaterialistic ones too....

I started again from "a"...as i did in mumbai and before that in pune and manier times even before that..but this time it was "I"...not we as it was Saj in mumbai...Ma-Pa in Pune....

the loneliness was not only phyiscal but was in mind too....how can it not be...when the ones who matter most to u decide not to walk with u.....it was not easy to walk...not even to crawl...but i survived only to loose someone who had been with me since the day i opened my eyes on this earth...i was (yes..now it is was...) his blue eyed girl....i not only learnt walking from him but also how to get up and going after stumbling...how to stand for what u believe in...and suddenly he was not there...yes...i had lost my grand pa...my bauji...

time kept moving...months were passing and salaries kept on rolling in the account...i could afford to buy most of things i once upon a time thought for...but i could not buy happiness...not even could get my laughter back...

It was the work which kept me going...and it still is...it was and is only high throughout....yes...in this short span of a year...i made a few friends for lifetime...whom i shall cherish for life...sometimes while looking back i feel sad about it all...but when i see them trying to make me smile..i think i still have reason and persons to smile for and smile with....

seasons changed and from rains to winters to spring...i had almost travelled entire north and west india..had been to many campuses...met lots of students...relived my college days with them...it was great to see the same happiness after getting placed...as it was at our times...

In the meantime I visited Mumbai a couple of times...and it recieved me with same graciousness as it had bid goodbye...sitting at nariman point and watching the vast sea.. late in the evening was seeming a very own thing...boarding a local train seemed to be so usual as i had never left it.....the roads to my home..were more familiar than the roads here...the gap of not being there for 6 months was bridged in less than 60 minutes....

Here was the city which they say give shelter to everyone and dreams of everyone get realized here...how true it was for me...i walked up in the city empty handed with only dreams and will power to make them true...it made me worth to make all of them true...i bid goodbye to the city with thousands of dreams and with the promise that I WILL COME BACK with all those dreams come true....ya...I WILL GO BACK but probably the later part of the promise will not be fulfilled...however it was good for me to keep myself engrosed in something which was giving me something to be happy for...something to look forward to...with all the broken dreams which were very close to my heart...i decided to start walking...walking atleast to cross that rough path and to come to comparatively smooth road where i can start dreaming again...and yes this time make THEM TRUE TOO...........the journey has well started and soon i will be there...i know....

I love walking in the rain....

its been raining since morning...and the message is clear the monsoons are here.....i just love the rains...for several obvious and not so obvious reasons...

"I love walking in the rain....coz then no one knows i'm crying...."

i dont exactly remember where i read this line but it has been so very close to my heart ever since then....it fits so very well...have not i been doing the same for so many years...it was just like i got words to express it with this line....

i'm sure many of us would identify with the times when we hid our tears from others by saying.."aankh me kuch chala gaya hai..."..."ohh....its only because of peeling onions"...."are...its raining heavily outside...its not tears...its raindrops....".....it was same like smiling on a sunny day even though you had a bad night....

I love rains not only because of the freshness...and all other things it brings with it...but because it makes me feel that all the tears are not here only with us, the people on earth....but up there at sky too people cry...and the people on earth love the rains...it makes them happy...i just wonder...will my tears be making anyone happy in anyway down there....??????????????????